Be Vulnerable

In this lesson, we highlight the importance of vulnerability in building a strong, supportive relationship with an engineering manager—because they can only help us if they understand what we’re going through.

• We stress that EMs can’t read minds; if we’re struggling, whether with a teammate, a project, or something personal, we should tell them so they can protect our well-being at work.
• We explain that good managers act like part-time therapists, and sharing when things are rough allows them to adjust workload, mediate conflicts, or at least offer support.
• We note that vulnerability builds trust, just like in friendships outside of work, and that trust significantly improves how effectively we collaborate.
• We clarify that we shouldn’t overshare, but we also shouldn’t hide everything—sharing selectively helps EMs understand who we are and how to help.
• We reinforce that showing vulnerability increases the “trust meter,” strengthens the partnership, and ultimately unlocks more powerful support from our EM.