Have A Conversation About Conversation

In this lesson, we explore how to set up a healthy, effective relationship with an engineering manager by having a “meta” conversation early—one that focuses not on tasks, but on how we want to work together.

• We introduce the idea of a personal “README file,” where we proactively explain our background, working style, motivations, and concerns so our EM understands how to support us.
• We emphasize sharing what energizes us and what drains us, giving our manager the context they need to advocate for us and assign work that helps us thrive.
• We suggest regularly reflecting on what’s going well and what isn’t—using 1:1s not just for status updates, but for deeper calibration on collaboration.
• We call out the importance of explicitly discussing how we prefer to receive (and give) feedback, whether direct and verbal or written and reflective.
• We highlight that starting the relationship with these meta conversations sets the foundation for a smoother, more aligned partnership with our EM.