Partner, Not A Boss

In this lesson, we talk about shifting the mindset from seeing an engineering manager as an authority figure to treating them as a partner whose incentives align closely with ours, unlocking far more growth and support.

• We emphasize that while EMs have real power (performance reviews, promotions, PIPs), relating to them through fear undermines trust, collaboration, and growth.
• We highlight that both we and our EM share the same fundamental goal: maximizing our impact, because our increased impact directly elevates their team impact.
• We explain that when we grow, deliver more, and navigate the org effectively, our manager looks better—so supporting our development is in their best interest.
• We encourage adopting a peer-like, partnership mentality rather than a hierarchical one, which creates more openness, trust, and meaningful dialogue.
• We reinforce the idea that adding value to our manager—through communication, initiative, and impact—encourages them to reciprocate with resources, advocacy, and opportunities.