Bloomberg LP

It pays well and is very secure. Sometimes there are free vegetables.

It is virtually impossible to get anything done here. The more ambitious and creative you are, the more you will hate it. You can't even use the Internet, which makes research and development practically impossible. I've worked for big banks, big tech, military intelligence, and I've never been in such a locked-down environment.

Employees (and often co-workers) are treated as the enemy. The more you accomplish, the more visible a target you become.

The technology is abysmal, antiquated, and crippled. Working here is a dead-end because your skills will rot and become utterly irrelevant to the real world.

Also, it is a sweatshop. You will work 16-hour days on more than one occasion, and you will be seen on weekends much more than any rational person would like.

Also, constant interruptions, bright lights, loud noises, and uncomfortable, cramped quarters.

Outsource everything, because you are not capable of managing R&D in a way that is not criminally abusive of your (well compensated, thank you very much, and I would like some more please) employees.

Start firing at the top, where the moral turpitude, inhumanity, and general malevolence is the worst.

Stop pretending about your culture. No one believes you anymore.