Fidelity Investments

If you love creating complex, untraceable bugs and a 9-5 M-F paycheck, there’s no better place than Fidelity.

No “Agility”

Knowledge, expertise, and creativity are all liabilities.

You’ll report to young veterans whose whole engineering careers have been at Fidelity. These out-of-college lifers will lecture you in software design and “best practices.”

These best practices are expected to produce serious bugs, which are “normal” and “part of life.”

You’ll be very busy adhering to Einstein's definition of insanity as you create more bugs while fixing an old one.

Your “completed,” months-overdue deliverables will also entertain customers, who’ll find fascinating features as they test your application in production and with real money.

Google “software engineering.” Get acquainted.

You’ll feel a serendipitous tingling in your skin as you realize there is an alien, non-financial, whole new universe in which well-known and proven software engineering principles will save you about 90% of your cost.