How To Complain

Effective communication of concerns in a one-on-one, especially with a manager, hinges on emotional intelligence and thoughtful phrasing. Expressing discontent is important, but how it’s framed can determine whether it leads to meaningful change or defensiveness.

• Words and tone matter deeply: It’s not about suppressing feelings, but about communicating them in a way that leads to constructive outcomes. Saying “This is holding me back” is more impactful than “I hate this person/project/org.”
• Start with your experience: Begin by describing how a situation makes you feel and the impact it's having on your work. This avoids sounding accusatory and centers the conversation on outcomes.
• Avoid blaming language: Statements that target others personally are rarely received well. Instead, focus on issues and processes rather than individuals.
• Propose solutions thoughtfully: Even if unsure, suggesting possible paths forward shows initiative. Phrasing like “One thing I was thinking about…” or “Could we try…” keeps the conversation collaborative and open-ended.
• Frame feedback to enable support: Managers are more able to help when you present challenges clearly and offer context. Productive expression of frustration builds trust and often leads to faster resolution.

By being candid and constructive, you increase the likelihood of being heard, supported, and ultimately driving the change you seek.