Intuit

When I joined, I was fairly happy here. The perks seemed plentiful:

• Good 401k
• ESPP
• Wellness options
• Once a month/quarter engineering days where you could work on a passion project.

Those still apply. But what wasn't entirely clear from the start was the MASSIVE amount of POLITICS at play here, specifically in the SBSEG (QuickBooks) group.

Let me summarize it this way: if you want to get ahead at Intuit, don't bother shipping great code, building awesome products, or focusing on things like team, product, and personal growth. Focus on one thing, and one thing only -- playing the game.

What is playing the game at Intuit, you ask? Here's what it entails:

• Taking credit for other people's work. If you can, slide into a project at the last minute and claim you were the one who did all the work. Bonus points for blasting all Slack channels with :clapping-hands: emojis and a bunch of generic, kumbaya statements about cross-team collaboration, empowering customers, etc.

• Sucking up to your manager. Even if they're clueless as to what they're doing, have no managerial experience whatsoever, and are micromanaging your hard work. Because you don't know anything, and they know EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter how poorly they perform -- if your boss's boss wants them in that role, they're gonna get it. Pulse surveys and employee feedback be damned.

• Do NOT help others. It shows weakness if you ask for help and threatens your job security if someone on the team knows more than you. Instead, backstab! Ask for help quietly and demonstrate YOUR knowledge by making sure to open your mouth every chance you get when your manager attends your sync-ups.

• Being cool with the "75th percentile." In other words, you're drinking the Kool-Aid and all on-board with the fuzzied-up statistics around employee/engineer compensation and claims that we're a "top-tier tech company hiring top talent." Who needs levels.fyi? If your VP says it's so, then it MUST be true, right?

This place is an absolute disaster -- a blind-leading-the-blind mobile organization led by people who teach poor architectural patterns to junior engineers and march to the anthem of "we've-done-it-this-way-forever-so-that's-how-it's-gonna-be."

Oh, and don't forget their fearless leader and his "director of mobile" puppet -- a backend-obsessed VP whose ignorance in all things mobile leads to an obviously lopsided team culture. "Mobile first!"

If you want to work here, take that checklist above to heart -- you're gonna need it.

Do whatever you want. You don't take advice anyway. Buh-bye.