NYC vs. SF?

For 4 - neither would probably matter since conferences like neurips, ICML and ICLR happen all over the place. For example, for the past 3 years Neurips was in New Orleans, Vancouver and this year in San Diego. Also the fees are pretty expensive.

For your bonus it's really hard to say. People move around the place all the time for their careers. While I understand it's not your main priority, I also wouldn't bank on your eventual friend group staying at the same place for years.

Having grown up in the Bay Area, San Jose does not equal SF. You'll be driving up 1 hour to SF, which is doable but very painful.

Career

The AI appeal is really nice, but you'll seriously have to hustle to even have a chance. The competition is pretty intense. Startup scene is cool but it can get old when people are talking about Claude in a nightclub at 1am.

AI events are fun, there's a ton going on every day. They're okay for networking with fellow engineers. Founders usually speak at these events or work out of Shack15. It's not too hard to get a referral to Shack as of now, but that could change if they initiate a waitlist.

Social Life

I've been in a long-term relationship for 5 years, but my single friends tell me dating life is atrocious in SF/San Jose. The colloquial term for San Jose is "Man Jose".

This is tricky. I agree that for SF vs NYC, SF clearly wins in terms of being the AI capital and tech capital. But San Jose is pretty far from San Francisco, and the inertia to get up to SF ("the city") will be high if you're living in South Bay.

How miserable would your life be if you lived in SF and commuted down to San Jose? Do you have to go in 5 days/week?

Since you're mid-20s, I'm guessing you want to work closely and even become friends with your coworkers. NYC will be more likely to attract that kind of population, and there are plenty of hot startups as well.

I'd choose based on:

1. where there are more people you know
2. understanding the culture (avg age) of each of the offices

Poll

I probably wouldn't live in San Jose since it sounds like you are prioritizing social life. I would check out your company's shuttle route because they probably have stops in SF which bridge the gap between social life and work.

I would probably not worry about 4 because you'll probably only go to conferences a few times a year.