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Toxic Teams: Fight, Flight, or Hold Your Ground?

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Senior Software Engineer [E5] at ex-Meta, ex-Amazon5 months ago

How should you respond when working with a hyper-competitive team that avoids direct communication, behaves entitled, passive-aggressive, and disrespectful, provides incomplete requirements with little context, and frequently changes expectations? Should you leave, demonstrate character, or push back?

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(2 comments)
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    Rahul Pandey
    Tech Lead/Manager at Meta, Pinterest, Kosei
    4 months ago

    The answer is to leave the toxic team ASAP. A bit more nuance:

    • If you're junior or mid-level, you don't have much ability to change the team culture so you should immediately leave.
    • If you're senior (as you are), you have a bit more ability to change processes and people on the team. However, it stil is limited as an IC. There's probably an 80/20 rule here of some changes you can suggest or feedback you can deliver that address many of the problems. Once you've done that, just leave.
    • If you're part of upper management, you may have inherited the problem and maybe even brough in to solve it. This is the case where you could consider the "fight" scenario if you have the power to make changes.

    The world of tech is big and constantly getting bigger. Don't waste your time on a bad team or with a bad manager. Find another team, company, or start something on your own.

    The last point I'll say is that there are likely some very smart + kind people on your team. Every team, no matter how dysfunctional, will have some people you jive with. As discussed in the networking course (The #1 Rule Of Networking), lead with kindness and build lasting relationships with these people.

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    Shawn Bullock
    Staff Software Engineer at Pre-Seed Startup
    5 days ago

    Staying will stunt your growth and invite longer term subtle emotional problems and habits that you'll have to untangle later. It might be beneficial to prepare yourself to interview and move on to a healther place. Always keep it professional, always do your best, and always act as if you're preparing to grow into a better role. Never let it bring you down.

    Only you know your tolerances. If you have a peer that you can connect and relate with, I'd suggest building an internal network to help you through it and lean on later when you choose to leave.

    I'm experiencing this toxicity also (much worse) for 7 years and have chosen to stay because I wanted to grow through it and learn how to lead and navigate it, and while I was miraculously successful on many levels, the toxicity comes from my bosses (the founders) and only they can change themselves and so I am now choosing to leave it.

    You can't fix what you didn't create. It'll rarely happen. You can only chose to use it as a vehicle for growth or to leave to something healthier.