Is Your Career Just What People Think of You?

Question

For much of my life, I’ve been hyper-focused on prestige and external validation, and only recently I found it to be damaging relationships.

In college, I struggled to land good internships. When people asked about my experience, I often felt insecure.

This past new grad job hunt was a very different story — I performed well and received multiple offers. But instead of simply being proud, I found myself mentioning the number of offers and how difficult the decision was in nearly every conversation. My close friends pointed out that our talks shifted from hobbies and everyday life to topics like leveling systems, career trajectories, and company brand names.

When it came time to choose between offers, I exhausted every possible angle. I asked friends, family, mentors, and anonymous forums. I read countless blog posts in search of the “right” answer. But in retrospect, I wasn’t just seeking advice — I was searching for external validation. I wanted reassurance that my decision would be respected.

This led me to reflect on a deeper question: Why do I want to be seen as someone who made the "right" choice? And the honest answer is that perception matters — especially in tech.

In many ways, career advancement depends on how others perceive you. Recruiters scan for recognizable brand names. Visibility drives promotion decisions. Referrals come from those who view you as high-potential. Professional development courses often focus on improving how you’re perceived by peers and managers. In a system where your worth is often defined by the market, it seems rational to focus on how you're seen.

That’s why I find myself highlighting my accomplishments and leaning toward prestige. I want to be seen as someone worth helping, worth investing in. I want future recruiters to see my resume and not hesitate. But in the process, I’ve started to value prestige and how I’m seen more than my own long-term goals and personal values.

Choosing between offers this season forced me to confront this tension. One role aligned closely with my personal interests and growth goals; the other offered greater prestige and brand recognition. Making the decision felt agonizing because each reflected a different version of how I wanted to be seen.

Conventional advice says to “stop caring what people think.” But is that even realistic when almost every system in tech (and the world in general) is based on what others think of you and how you're ranked?

Rahul Pandey · Accepted Answer

One way to think about this question is first-principles thinking vs second-principles thinking. Making decisions based on prestige is an example of second-principles thinking: you are borrowing the thinking of other people to determine what is valuable. You are taking your colleagues' opinions, or society's opinions, and using that to inform your opinion.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, btw. There are some deep lessons in the 'wisdom of the crowds' and we generally don't have the time to deeply research every company or opportunity we come across.

For example, I don't have the time to research every person I meet, so I use their reputation (gossip) to make a much faster judgment about them. The extreme version of this is venture capital, when reputation is the most important they are selling.

If you do have an opinion that deviates from the norm, there's a lot of power in that. In fact, this is the basis for many valuable companies: it's a rebuke of the normal way of doing things.

You are welcome to stop caring about what people think. If you are willing to stick by your decision, work hard enough, and you have a long enough time horizon, you will be rewarded.

Is Your Career Just What People Think of You?

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