Is it okay to take lunch alone?

Mid-Level Software Engineer [E4] at Meta2 months ago

Building Relationships

Discussion

(7 comments)

2
Katya P
•Mid-Level Software Engineer at Unemployed
a month ago
Hey! I totally get your struggles. It can be hard to be a woman in the male team and have language struggles. I have been there. Also, I have very hard time in a company of more than 2 people around me 😆 What I prefer to do is it focus on similarities. What do I have similar with these people. I went to lunch not to perform, but just to be there. Be present. Nod and smile. Or not. I had most conversations on the way or back from lunch, when I would talk to 1 or 2 people.

I believe as long as team and manager are friendly - there is always a way to connect.
1
Rahul Pandey
•Tech Lead/Manager at Meta, Pinterest, Kosei
2 months ago
Yep I think that's totally fine. Purely from a work/productivity standpoint, there are diminishing returns to eating lunch with your team every single day. Not much will change with you or them!

In fact, one of the best engineers I worked with at Meta almost always ate at his desk to continue working. Or he may have skipped lunch since I would often not even see him in the cafeteria...

There's value in eating with them occasionally since you understand what they're working on and what they're thinking about, which makes you a better coworker. Especially if you're new, I'd encourage you to hang out with the team. But it's totally fine to eat on your own, esp if you simply go back to your desk.
- 0
  Mid-Level Software Engineer [E4] [OP]
  •Meta
  a month ago
  Thank you for your thoughtful reply.
  
  I was actually watching one of your courses yesterday and you said something that stuck with me that was like,
  
  you have to ask for the things that you want and not rely on hallway conversations to get them.
  
  For me, I guess I always assumed that lunch is part of work and that I should be using that time effectively to also get better at my job. But so far, that really hasn't been the case. So I am going to take your advice and basically whenever I need to learn more about somebody else or what they're doing to just literally ask them in a quick 1-1 or message instead of relying on maybe it happening naturally during lunch.
1
Alex Chiou
•Tech Lead @ Robinhood, Meta, Course Hero
a month ago
Meta is a very social company. It's totally fine to opt out of lunch sometimes; however, I wouldn't do it all the time as that will make it harder for you to fit into the team. Hopefully your lead/manager will take the hint when you're part of the group and encourage the conversation to be in a common language.

Hopefully the networking course is helpful here: Networking Guide: Build Deep Relationships Quickly In Tech
- 0
  Mid-Level Software Engineer [E4] [OP]
  •Meta
  a month ago
  Thank you for the reply.
  
  It has been a struggle for me to fit into the team. I’ve been on my current team for a bit over two months now, and I still feel like the new person. It’s been hard to connect. A few things make it more complicated for me:
  
  I’m one of the only people from a diverse background (in the whole office)
  
  I’m honestly not strong in the main language everyone uses
  
  I’m still new
  
  I’m also one of the only women on a mostly male team.
  
  So I’m kind of stuck. Do I need to try to build actual friendships with my teammates? Or is it enough to just be someone they can trust and work well with?
  
  I watched your networking course, and from what I could tell, it seemed like you connected with people on your own team on a personal level. Like, you were friends with them as well as coworkers, and it seems like that connection helped make you a strong part of the team overall. But for me, that kind of connection just hasn’t really felt possible so far.
  
  I’d love to hear more about how you think about “connection” and fitting in in practice.
- 1
  Alex Chiou
  •Tech Lead @ Robinhood, Meta, Course Hero
  a month ago
  
  Do I need to try to build actual friendships with my teammates? Or is it enough to just be someone they can trust and work well with?
  
  There's a middle ground in between these where you could see yourselves hanging out outside of the office (but rare, like 1-2 times a year), and I think that's the level you want to get to at Meta, especially now with the higher bar. So it's more like a strong acquaintance rather than a friend. However, this is easier said than done of course.
  
  For me, I was the odd one out as I was one of the very few 2nd generation people on the team (most of them had recently immigrated from India or China), so I had to make an extra effort treating people with kindness and trying to find solidarity. However, I admittedly wasn't overcoming a gender barrier as well, and that makes things way harder. I empathize a lot with your situation.
  
  Long-term, I frankly don't think your situation is tenable. Having this little solidarity with your team is going to be really rough, especially as you make progress towards E5. I would do your best to get good ratings on this team and then try to switch ~1 year in.
- 1
  Mid-Level Software Engineer [E4] [OP]
  •Meta
  a month ago
  Yeah that's what I am thinking as well 😞 Thank you for your kind and straightforward reply. I really appreciate it.