Name: The Crucial First Step To Building Relationships That Everyone Misses
Uploaded: 2023-02-16
Duration: 5 min 22 s
Description: Many people in tech are bad at professional networking, and the reason is simple: They're being too selfish

The Crucial First Step To Building Relationships That Everyone Misses

Many people in tech are bad at professional networking, and the reason is simple: They're being too selfish. If you want to build a professional network that is truly useful to you, you must strive to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

Here's the core points from the video:
- **Understand their incentives** - Everyone in the professional world is looking out for something: Nobody works purely for the sake of working. When you're working within a company environment, *this is usually what they're rewarded for in their performance review*. When you're asking for something, it's easy to get caught up in what *you're* looking for and how this other person can help *you*. The key to effective interpersonal communication is to flip that mentality and use your empathy to figure out *how you can help them instead*.
- **Alex's Instagram Misalignment Story**
  - Back in 2018, Instagram cofounders Kevin Systrom and Mike Krieger parted ways with Instagram and Facebook overall. This left a power vacuum with no clear "wing" of the company to drive the overall direction.
  - During this time, Alex was working on Instagram Ads. After the cofounders left, his team tried to ship a project to make the main action button on ads much bigger. Their A/B test showed that the new variant earned far more revenue.
  - The new CEO of Instagram, Adam Mosseri, shot the idea down, citing that it was too tacky. He then declared a design lockdown across all of Instagram stating that all new Instagram features needed to meet Instagram's user design standards.
  - This changed the incentives between designers and engineers at Instagram. Designers were now more focused on upholding the aesthetic integrity of Instagram and less so on shipping projects. On the other hand, engineers were still laser-focused on shipping.
  - *The engineers who best succeeded during this transitory period were those who worked together with the designers and championed their goals.* These engineers were willing to incorporate design polish and didn't immediately dismiss it as a threat to their timelines.

Related resources:
- [[Masterclass] How To Build Deep Relationships Quickly In Tech](https://www.jointaro.com/lesson/tyaPFMXPoz2pmzB7OVzt/how-to-build-deep-relationships-quickly-in-tech-12172022/) - The full video where this clip was taken from
- [9-Part Effective Communication Master Series](https://www.jointaro.com/playlist/hVdLQQzfslaYarLSCmmy/)
- ["How do I ask XFN partner for help to make progress in the project?"](https://www.jointaro.com/question/OCUrjUM8axEIOJkSKhZp/how-do-i-ask-xfn-partner-for-help-to-make-progress-in-the-project/)

Many people in tech are bad at professional networking, and the reason is simple: They're being too selfish

There's more to working in tech than just shipping software. It's vital for your career to build deep professional relationships and make real friends at work, especially if you're looking to grow to senior levels.

At the end of the day, working in tech, or anywhere really, is all about working with other human beings. Communication is the core skill necessary to make this collaboration effective.

This collection represents the best of what Taro has to offer, personally curated by Alex and Rahul. If you're short on time, go through the content here.

Interpersonal communication is an important skill to have as a software engineer. As a software engineer, you work with a team of other software engineers to build a product or scale a system. In order to work effectively with the other members of your team, you need to be able to communicate with them so you are all aligned on the same end result.

Learn how to improve your interpersonal communication skills to design better software with your team

Master your interpersonal communication skills to build empathy and long lasting relationships with your teammates that extend beyond your current role. When you prioritize interpersonal communication, you can ensure that your projects are successfully completed on time.

Interpersonal communication is the key to building trust with your teammates

This is an absolutely vital process for any employee in tech to understand, especially in a world of stack-ranking and layoffs.

[Masterclass] How To Build Deep Relationships Quickly In Tech

Professional networking is vital for a healthy career, especially as a software engineer. However, many tech workers struggle with building relationships, especially introverts. In this masterclass, we teach you how to improve your interpersonal communication and build meaningful professional connections quickly, which might even make you some work friends along the way.

There were a ton of important points from this masterclass, so here's our Top 5 (in no particular order):
- **You're going to get burned, and that's okay** - Professional networking is just like making friends or dating: You will meet people where it just doesn't work out. Don't let that tear you down and make you cloister up. Move on from those relationships and continue investing in new people.
- **Make them feel special** - Asking someone for a huge favor with some copy-paste message isn't networking: It's begging. The classic example is cold messaging random people for referrals into their FAANG company. If you want any chance of success with a reach out, make sure to deeply explain your background and credibility alongside why you reached out to that specific person in particular - Put them on a pedestal.
- **Understand their incentives** - One of the biggest reasons people fail with networking is that they're entirely caught up in what *they're* looking for, reducing their networking to "*How can I get this other person to give me what I want?"*. Successful relationships are those where each party is able to provide lots of value to one another, and the first step to doing that is to understand what the *other* person wants and what motivates them. When it comes to networking within a company, this is usually tied to what they get rewarded for in performance review.
- **Lead with kindness** - Only helping others when they have already helped you is a recipe for weak, slow-growing professional networks. Kindness is 10x more valuable in building up a relationship when it's unexpected, making the pleasant surprise of helping someone who's never helped you before especially powerful. For a deep dive into this concept (including a story about how Taro cofounders Alex and Rahul met), [check out this Taro discussion](https://link.jointaro.com/Hr1nr53D7sfQAEv3A).
- **Maximize 1 on 1 meetings** - 1 on 1s are the core engine behind deepening interpersonal communication, and that includes professional ones. Schedule a recurring 1 on 1 if possible with anybody you want to build a deep relationship with, and make sure to use that time well. Embrace [the art of the "Awkward 1 on 1"](https://link.jointaro.com/4SqyPg6hjNFFrGf57) to share honest feedback, talk about how you're feeling, and learn who they truly are as a person. To learn more about this, [check out our masterclass about impactful 1 on 1 meetings](https://link.jointaro.com/zPPhTmG213gptAkg9).

Related resources:
- [Alex's Guide To Effective Communication](https://link.jointaro.com/XXKqrQ9WgogHjXGG6)
- ["How do I lead without authority?"](https://link.jointaro.com/EMR9xJZXRC1kLyFr7)
- [What Makes A Truly Great Tech Lead](https://link.jointaro.com/wnqsTvXTUWtq11gG6)
- [Presentation slides](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1TDdBRQTGc66T35PzB5SwcJ3HQci_csdy8mzKxQu3law/edit?usp=sharing)